happinessoverhaul

DO NOT EVER MESS WITH THE "CURSED HOW'S" (like I did)

I vibed low all day yesterday and today.
I cried, I felt completely down, depressed, blue, whatever you may call it. Out of sync. It started last weekend, when I received some upsetting news from Holland. Then came Monday. My husband went to work, the kids left for school and I was left behind with nothing but the dishes, the laundry, the taxes and the most overwhelming sense of loss. The miscarriage is over. It's gone. I'm drained.

Melodramatic and like a terrible actress in a B-movie, I let myself slide down onto the kitchen floor and I sobbed and sobbed until I realized that it was really cold on those tiles.

Can I have a word with you?

Dear Universe,

This would be a good time to show me some lovin’! I have been a good girl, especially if you consider the tremendous amount of stress I’m under. I'm trying to live by all your rules. I know you don’t want me to focus on any negative aspects in my life, like eh… still waiting for my body to expel this invisible baby or eh… say…. the possibility of being homeless this summer. Just to name two of my current anxieties. Shit, I wonder if I’ll be ‘punished’ just for saying it. Miscarriage. Homeless. Recession. Depression. Bad words. Go wash your mouth. Go watch your vision board one hundred times. Write down your positive affirmations until your hand is blue and cramping. Whatever you do, do not vibrate negativity. Go be happy, dammit!