happinessoverhaul

Still don't know nothing.

How was that for a cliff hanger, huh? I received emails (feel free to leave comments, it’s not scary) asking me what happened at the psychic. Well, here it is.

I went with my friend Jennifer. We were running late and joked about it. “He’s psychic, he already knows we’ll be late”. Yes, one makes lame jokes when one is nervous.

A tall, dark man with a friendly face opened the door. He led us through a tiny hall into a small waiting room. He whispered and rushed us through the instructions. Apparently we had mixed up the times. We weren’t late. We were 20 minutes early and interrupting somebody’s session. He was very friendly about it and returned to his client. So we set there, in the small waiting room, staring at the dark red walls, completely covered with African masks. Incense were burning, new age music was playing. We waited. We giggled. I still didn’t know what two questions to ask at the end.

I'm going to get ALL the answers tomorrow! But I forgot the questions.

Tomorrow I am seeing a psychic. I’ve only seen psychics a few times in my life. To be honest: always when I was feeling messed up insecure about my life at that point in time. When things are going smooth, I don't even THINK about psychics. I just go on being happy go lucky. But there are moments in life when a girl needs to hear that all will be well and your mom saying over the phone that 'this too shall pass' isn't quite cutting it.

I secretly think that psychics are for lazy people. Like me. After all, aren’t we told that we hold ALL the answers in our own heart? But, djeez, how much meditation can I do before I pick up on any signals from 'above'? I don't even know if God is hearing me these days. Let alone that I would hear answers back from angels, spirit guides, the Universe or my deceased cat. I don’t even have prophetic dreams, unless the naked gardener has a symbolic meaning?

How to lift your vibrations (or: what a difference a day makes)

Enough with the pity party. I don’t think I will figure out the bigger questions of life by tonight, unless I drink the whole bottle of wine and get all philosophical. And I won’t do that, even though I want to. After all, the doctor told me that this pregnancy is pretty much a done deal so technically speaking I might as well be drinking again. I'm just sitting here in limbo. The doctor's office never called me back with my blood results. So even though I know it's over, I will be sitting all weekend with the nagging little thought that it aint over ‘till the fat lady sings. Or calls, in this case (not that I'm implying that my doctor is fat or anything…).

Somebody please explain. Is it my own fault?

Today I miscarried. Most likely, that is.

Here's a concept I struggle with: where does miscarriage fit in with the Law of Attraction? Is it my own fault if something I want with all my heart and soul, still goes wrong? Time and again?

Yes, I guess, if you look at the basic principles:

1. What you focus most of your attention on - whether positive or negative, and whether you want it or not - is what you attract to yourself, to your experience. In other words, you attract what you think about;

2. You attract to you energy which is of a similar vibration. 'Like Energy' attracts 'Like Energy' .  So if you get up on the wrong side of the bed, all grumpy, you can count on it that today you will miss the bus, find out at the super market check out that you forgot your wallet and when you come home the cat has puked on the sofa).

I really struggle with this. I don't just mean the miscarriages. I mean, with the deeper explanation behind it.

See what the Universe can do?

For my vision board I had found a picture of a collection of pretty white hobnail milk glass.  And what did my friend Amy walk in with? A white hobnail milk glass vase. See how the Universe works? I had not even pasted the picture on my poster board yet...

Actually, I haven't put anything on my vision board yet.  Doesn't that characterize my life? I only ended up with more clips from magazines to put with my huge stack of dreams, desires and hopes...

It wasn't just me who didn't manage to complete a vision board yesterday. Eleven fabulous friends came together, all equipped with piles of magazines, scissors, glue and poster board. But will you believe that only 2-3 of us went home with a finished product? Yeah, you guessed it. They are the "do-ers", the movers and shakers in our circle. You know what they say... you get out of life what you put into it.