Oh... who am I kidding?

• I so ate the M&M's. 
• I drank wine.
• I cried and cried some more. Then I yelled at my husband and blamed him for my stagnant life.
• I moped around the house all day.
• I googled "blighted ovum" and recurrent miscarriage and other sad stories of other sad women, until I reached the very last page of the world wide web
• I cried some more.
• I tortured myself by thinking of all the babies born to friends in the last few years, while I was having five flippin’ miscarriages in a row.
• I felt really sorry for myself that all my friends are going away for the winter break next week, while I am left behind on this God-forgotten island with nothing to look forward to
• I deeply hated my blog all of a sudden. I don't want to ‘try to be happy’ and I don't want feel committed to anything. I just want to feel miserable. 
• Then I cried some more, because really... nobody even bothers to read this blog anyway.
• I cried some more.
• I fell asleep at 9.00 pm drained and exhausted.
• I didn't brush my teeth. After all those M&M's.

So, clearly I did not do any of that EFT stuff. Clearly I did not make a list of all the blessings in my life. And clearly I did not put on happy music and dance my pain away. Whatever. As always, I couldn't find the willpower. And American Idols was on.

Sure… today is a new day. I can’t make any promises though. More chocolate sounds awfully appealing at this point. I’ll see. But I won’t delete this blog just yet.