In an ultimate attempt to lift my mood this weekend, I decided to work on that vision board. Will you beIieve I spent over 20 hours on it and I am still NOT done? It took me hours to find just the right pictures. I searched the web as if my life depended on it. (And in a way, I actually think it does. After all, I want the Universe to know EXACTLY what it is that I want. I mean, if I say "dream house", does the Universe know my dream house is light and bright, spacious, with a huge yard and several fireplaces? I don't want to take any risks...).
So I spent the bigger part of my Saturday and pretty much all of my Sunday looking for pictures to match my dreams. That sounds easier than it is. Really. In order to feel that I could actually "identify" with a photo, I needed the people on the picture to show resemblance with my husband, my daughter, my stepson, me or ... our future babies. Or all of us. I mean... it's nice to find a picture of a happy clappy family skiing down a mountain, but if the husband has blond short hair and the woman sports a curly black hair do, the kids still in their toddler years, well than that family just doesn't represent "me and my family on vacation". And I can't use it for my vision board. So the hunt is on for a skiing family with a handsome black man, a gorgeous blond babe and two mixed kids around 7 and 15 years old.
Impossible, I tell you! Never knew we are so unique!
So... I ended up cropping almost every picture I found. I chopped off the heads of the models, so the pictures now all look like my 7 year old daughter took them but if you squint your eyes, tilt your head to the left and glance really quickly it could have been me!
I found lovely pictures, but often times the details bothered me. A woman writing in a diary, but she was right handed. I can't use that.... I'm a lefty. Or this fantastic fire place, just the way I want it one day, but with the most hideous chair in front of it. I ended up deleting the whole picture, I just couldn't get over the ugliness of the chair. What if I end up with that chair?
As you can see, I take this visualizing stuff seriously. Way too seriously. I tell my friends this story, from one of the Mike Dooley tapes:.... there is this woman who listens to all Mike Dooley's tapes (not me, it wasn't me) and one day she decides to write him a letter. She tells him how she has been visualizing her dream car: a blue Beetle Convertible. She has pictures of this car all over her house and she thinks about it all the time. Then one morning she looks out of her bedroom window and there it is: the blue Beetle convertible. On her neighbor's driveway! And that's not all: that morning, when driving off to work, she get's in a vender bender.... with a blue Beetle convertible! She attracted the car into her life alright, she just forgot to put herself in it!
See why you have to be careful with the details?
In all seriousness... I don't think that the Universe will play these kind of tricks on you, but like I said: I'm not willing to take the risk. For the longest time, after my daughter was born, I would say to my husband "I just want to be pregnant again!". I would throw in some drama for the added effect. And you know what... that's exactly what I got! "Just pregnant". Never the actual baby to hold. Because I didn't ask for the baby, did I? Words have power, my friends! Words have power.
I added affirmations to my digital vision board, like "I'm an involved and playful mother", while completely ignoring my daughter completely for 2 straight days, because djeez... can I finish this thing already? Here's a bowl of cereal for diner and please... go and watch another Hannah Montana episode, okay love?
Turns out, my vision board is becoming somewhat of an embarrasing list of things I want to HAVE. I thought I wanted to be a hero, be responsible for bringning world peace, ending global warming and saving the rainforest. But I discovered that all I really want is a walk-in closet, more facials and massages, Chanel sun glasses and a cellulite free butt. So what, I am shallow. Sue me.
Now, if you will excuse me, I have a kitchen to pick out. It's a very hard choice to make. I can't decide between the white kitchen with open shelving, or the more colorful, farm-like kitchen. You would think I need to call the builder back tonight and let him know my final choice before he sends his crew over tomorrow to start the remodeling. Seriously, that's how INTO it I am, into this whole thing. It FEELS like I am picking out my dream life (I also asked my husband tonight if he would like twins, and if so, would he prefer boy/ girl, girl/girl or boy/boy? He thought I was crazy!).
FEELING. That's the desired effect of this whole exercise, isn't it? To FEEL like it's already happening! Isn't that the essence of the law of attraction? Oh my God, can you imagine? Twins? In my dream kitchen?
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